Being kind to yourself

This is a vital thing for all of us to do. I know that I have the tendency to be very harsh on myself when it comes to anything really, be it ‘failing’ at something in particular or just when you think back to a particular situation and realise what you should have done. Holding these negative views on these specific situations doesn’t help you at all, and instead just makes you feel worse. I know how hard it is, and is something that I (and many people) need to work on.

There are times when it is fair enough to be a bit harsh on yourself. If you don’t learn from your mistakes and then, as a result, something happens, it is fine to be harsh. This doesn’t mean that you can’t look at the positives in that particular situation. For me, I have put myself in situations where I know that I feel uncomfortable, but the fact that I have put myself in those situations says that I am willing to expose myself for the better. Obviously, I wish I didn’t feel uncomfortable in those situations at all, but I can’t hide the fact that I do. What is important is to notice how I feel the more I expose myself and, at some point, I will be much more comfortable, and that is the point. There are loads of times when you don’t feel strong enough to go through it and sometimes that is fine, but you won’t change until you put yourself out there more and more. You have to be kind to yourself with this and shouldn’t think that you are a ‘failure’ or anything. Having someone to help you through that is vitally important because they can push you for the better. I know that I have benefitted massively from having a friend that is so supportive and understandable.

It’s hard to be kind to yourself when you see a lot wrong with the person you are, but we all have positives about us. Some of us may have to dig a bit deeper to find them, but they are there. As a start, at the end of the day when you are about to sleep and reflect on your day say 3 or 4 positive things that occurred during your day. Once you really think about it, it’s not that many and is fairly easy to do and you will feel better.

Life is a process. You can’t go from being ‘socially awkward’ to being ‘socially perfect’ straight away and you have to take things in small steps. It is important to push yourself, but not to push yourself too much, because that can have a massive impact on you (in a negative way) and you may feel like you haven’t learnt anything. If you aren’t kind to yourself with this, you won’t get anywhere.

‘When you find peace within yourself, you become the kind of person who can live at peace with others’ Peace Pilgrim